A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
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New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
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Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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