If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
