You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
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