I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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