They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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