She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
