giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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