Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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