Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
