I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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