wanna go halves on a baby?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
