sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
