what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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