I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
