you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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