I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
she peed on how many people?
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
