I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
