I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
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