I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
