Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
