Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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