i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
how does that bad decision feel?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
