does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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