I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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