Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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