Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
