did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
