I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
