Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
