After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
