I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
