at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
