Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
babies were throwing up all over the place
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
