i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
