dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
