No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
