I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
