You're a womanizer and a bitch.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Randomize
