Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
