I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
