My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
