I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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