that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
