Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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