chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Randomize
