Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
