My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
