A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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