If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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