I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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