GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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