dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
