turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
