Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
