the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize