So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
