god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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