Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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