This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Couch. On fire.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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