I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
