yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
