is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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