If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
