WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
