Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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