i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
