had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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