So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
