my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
should my penis look like a turkey
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
