Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
the gays at disneyland are vicious
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
