I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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