kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
