Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
did i just pee glitter
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
