and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
My vagina is officially offended.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
